Shellswell

Life is funny in a sense where people are constantly coming and going. I had a friend who told me, he said that everything is so temporary. Our friendship was temporary and basically the whole time we were friends he fought me in a way that just wouldn't let me in. I grew a liking for him and I couldn't help but want to be there for him. He didn't want that. I didn't know how to control myself or even attempt to tell him I was falling for him. I decided to blow it (my usual way of doing things).So in my twenty something mind I figured the best time would be increasingly drunk and a classy little text. Haven't seen him all up until recently. Psycho, I know. So, if you read this I am sorry. If you don't read well, now my readers know now too. I saw him a couple weeks ago along with a few other ghosts of my past and I couldn't help but laugh because he was so accurate so many things are temporary. What I have learned recently though is that some things just are...

Note: some of my writings can be current or past experiences. Enjoy. Backup dancer is a common term I use to describe whomever as the back up girl.  Someone just left in the shadows and then all of the sudden is seen as an interesting commodity. This can be used even with friends. No one ever wants to be the back up dancer its fun when you have that small moment of spot light but the light always returns back to the leader of the dance routine. (Believe me I love to boogie and get down with my bad self (James Brown style)) Bootycalls gone wrong. Sure we all want to be with someone and fill that hole we are missing but I am fed up with the meaninglessness bullshit. I have had multiple guys say let’s just hangout and see where it goes. Netflix and cuddle. It’s all nonsense. They wonder why I don’t want to do that to myself? Sure I have that mentality going In. I want to get some have that hole filled but in the end you walk away with a more broken heart than before. I get a call a...

Hey? How yah doing? Oh I'm fine just Bitchin'. Sometimes we are afraid to pour our hearts into something but when we do our guard is down.  It's strange you can become so invested in something and then all of the sudden it's clear it is not where you should be. Constantly, we go through our lives and currently for me it happens to be college and school. I feel as though I never know what I am doing or where I am going. I was having a conversation today with my Dave meaning my step dad. He was giving me a talk about being involved in politics and understanding what is going on in our crazy ass world. I blatantly told him I just don't have an interest in paying attention to politics. Isn't that insane? I live in a country where it is built up off of having a voice and being heard and all I want to do is live in my tiny little bubble and watch my silly Netflix shows and drink wine? Call me crazy but I swear I am fun. I asked this in one of my other little writings ...

When a conversation just stops and you sit there just wondering what went wrong you tend to lean on your friends to over analyze the situation. Or just be a man and go out on a "Saturday Night for the Boiz". If you don't spell "Boiz" like that then you need to start it's too much fun. In the movie "He's Just Not that into you" theres the exception to the rule concept. Theres that one person who just breaks all your rules. You can't but be just absolutely consumed by them. What are your rules? What are you looking for? For example, I had been playing cat and mouse with this silly boy who we refer to as "Party Girl" I finally went to hangout with him. We have good conversation and I thought we'd get along pretty well. I get there to the destination of choice in Laguna and the first thing I noticed was the horrendous stench of cigs. Rule number one not down with the cigs. Sure if I'm feeling myself on a good one and will indu...

Whats the last song you listened to? What did it make you feel? Where were you and who were you with? How would you feel if someone told you a would you rather question pertaining "would you rather go through life without music or would you rather be bald for the rest of your life?" dumb "would you rather question" in my opinion. I would choose being bald forever. I drive around consistently on shuffle. I don't have a certain preference in music but I am completely and whole heartedly obsessed. I can't explain the obsession but it's a feeling. Music is an expression, sure we all have a different way to express ourselves. For me its plants and writing (cheers to whoever is reading what I have to say it means a lot). Music brings to me flashbacks certain instances where I feel full and happy. I literally have been keeping myself busy and avoiding reality. I go to concerts pretty regularly, well at least I try. It's hard to find people who want to actua...

It’s strange how Facebook has the perfect timing. You forget about certain pieces of your life or attempt to at least. Then you quickly get reminders of something you are missing. A year ago my life was completely different. My life right now is beautifully pieced together but in the back of my mind I remember what life was a year ago. I was playing waterpolo in devishly great shape and I was in love. Life can be so hard when you have unanswered questions but in reality we are always left with most questions left blank. Why is that? We as humans are constantly afraid of change but those who embrace change are able to grow. We avoid places but in my personal case I have avoided an entire city without even realizing it. I have not been back to LA since you left. I recently drove to the airport in LA to pick up my mom and step dad. I truly didn't realize I have not been back since I saw and kissed you last. Had I really known it was my last bits of you I would have made it more romant...

Before reading this next little post put on "Icy Grl" by Saweetie . "Oh honey you are so much better than him" followed after with a casual "You are way hotter" then quickly after you get the knife to a heart statement "You're relationship was toxic anyways”. All these statements are said all damn day. Girls going through that classic break up going through the stages where in the end you my friends are single as fuck just like me. Are those "positive" affirmations really worth hearing do they truly make you feel better as you are going through your struggle? "Nothing is easy, Love isn't easy" Waiting around for things to change in a world thats so quick makes me nervous. So like any dumb girl living in a small city I decided to take matters into my own hands. My friends and I thought you know what chivalry isn't dead we too can approach the male species. We could casually make that first move. Give him the "what u...

Get this. Somedays we go through life with our headphones in listening to our favorite artists bands or even comedians (I love you Chris Delia). Scared to talk to the people around us we shut them out with our silly electronics. Sadly,  that is the definition of Long Beach state. I figured I should conduct my own research well mostly because my headphones blew up because somehow how I got them in my coffee.. Well, any who we won't get into that one.. long morning leaving it at that. During my research today I said small witty comments making someone smile or kinda stare at me weird and  laugh it off either way in my eyes it was a win. I have three eyes by the way because ones on the back of ankle as a tattoo I got it with one of my best friends. One instance in particular there was a point in my day where a girl was working in this snack shop on campus and she was cute kinda little ruffled up. she had a mad case of hump day vibes so close to the weekend and yet so far. She lit...

Where I left you folks last was the impression of being gracious that you win? Do we ever really win? Sure when embarking on a ravenous board game or two you know there will be a winner winner chicken dinner (sorry to the vegan homies I'm trying I really am I drank soy milk in my coffee in honor of you guys today and hated it). You know I am getting down with my bad self at sporting events (Go bears) and there will for sure be winner in the end. In the grand scheme how do we know if we won in our everyday lives? In a breakup what is the deciding factor that we won or lost or whatever. "Come back with my heart" this lyric to a band (The Growlers) I just saw them in concert. Which the concert is a whole other story for another time featuring "Sad Boy Jones". It has molded into my brain lately. We all try and act like "its fine, we're fine" But are we really fine? How does one pick up the pieces of what is lost? Our brains play silly games on us where...

My name is Michelle Joann Barnett. I wanted to be named Joe originally because how dope would it have been to be called Joe even though I was a girl. I have had this consistent pull to want to write and be heard from whomever. So if that pulls to you welcome! I can't quite explain my pin point for my blog yet but, what I do know ,so far in this trip, is that I am a twenty something like many here in my hometown of Long Beach. I don't consider myself anymore special than anyone else but I am the one who made the leap to be there for my new readers (you’re welcome). In this blog I will share with you my complete and utter raw thoughts, my travels ,and my experiences where I hope it gives you the power to want to live your wildest dreams. A lot of this will in hopes make you feel entertained, emotional ,and most of all feel as though we are friends. I want to leave a smile on many faces. A sense of laughter is an everyday necessity for me if you can't walk around and laugh at ...