Dream Lover

Where I left you folks last was the impression of being gracious that you win? Do we ever really win? Sure when embarking on a ravenous board game or two you know there will be a winner winner chicken dinner (sorry to the vegan homies I'm trying I really am I drank soy milk in my coffee in honor of you guys today and hated it). You know I am getting down with my bad self at sporting events (Go bears) and there will for sure be winner in the end. In the grand scheme how do we know if we won in our everyday lives? In a breakup what is the deciding factor that we won or lost or whatever. "Come back with my heart" this lyric to a band (The Growlers) I just saw them in concert. Which the concert is a whole other story for another time featuring "Sad Boy Jones". It has molded into my brain lately. We all try and act like "its fine, we're fine" But are we really fine? How does one pick up the pieces of what is lost? Our brains play silly games on us where we have that fleeting feeling of flashback where it just toys with your memory. I recently had a dream where I was in a grocery store as I was walking out I caught a glimpse of a ghost from my past. He smiled at me and it was a point in time where I felt a comfort and easiness and at a blink of an eye the other woman was walking his way. Dreams are crazy we only have them so often but when we do in my own personal experiences i won't speak for you fellow reader but it is exactly what I was thinking and feeling almost like an intervention with myself. Dreams suck. Point blank I have a tough time addressing the ugly truth and in that ugly truth my dream was basically telling me "Bitch you fucked up".  Making a mends with someone can never be easy but in the beauty of it all theres always room to try and grow. My sweet friend came to me recently with a similar issue about a recent heartbreak not all heart breaks are boy ridden it can also be a friend even more deeper it can be a friend of almost ten years. Its weird how our hearts work someone could do such terrible things to it and damage it. However, in the end it does not matter because you loved them even for the worst of times regardless if they left you in the dust you can't help but wonder. Are they thinking about me just as much as I am thinking about them?  Spreading your growth can be so empowering but also to be honest it sucks filling that hole in which you have been missing and figuring out that they are doing just fine without your sarcastic ass (me). I am the sarcastic asshole but I am also the compassionate and loving friend. This blog might become a problem because I am sitting in a classroom in which I paid for and I am writing to be heard by my closest friends because who really wants to hear these silly thoughts.
Sorry mom.
XXX Bisous to all (meaning kisses)