Shellswell

FULL DISCLOSURE, this blog is not formal by any means. I ask a lot of questions. A lot of the times they are at points that do not make any sense. I tend to think it is more for research or just the hope of getting to know you. Hoping to just let someone or something let them give me a try. Most of the time it could come off annoying but honestly, I know most keep their clique small to make big moves (Saweetie quote) ANYWAYS, why I ask so many questions is partly because I want to get to know everyone. I want to be able to find some sort of connection and to further my research. We all say and do things for a better future. But, what makes us stop our future? We hear all these incredible stories starting from the bottom now we're here (Drake. Lol I'm on a roll) but, what about the stories of the middle class or lower class who struggle and just float along. I guess there is nothing so interesting about that but, I don't know it may sound silly, I just want know about e...

Howdy Seems to be how I open most conversations lately. I have not written in a long time. Partly because I could not put words into what it was I really wanted to say. For most of us it seems like life is constantly changing and there are just moments when you stop and look around to see that you are not in control, or maybe you are just not as happy as you portray yourself. In this extent I can clarify it as .. Yes, I am going to school. Sure, I have tons of clothes and a roof over my head. Definitely, I have a body that is more than equipped to do physical activities and get me to point A and B. BUT, What about our mental state? What about our emotional stability? Something that has been looming over me lately is just simply asking someone for help. Isn't it strange how having a teacher and consistently hearing them say " My office hours are this... My email is this...." but, when you do reach out to them they refer you to a syllabus or their teacher aid or sim...

Hey boys, The definition of enamored is to be filled with a feeling of love. Now let me explain this very stupid, stupid feeling. Well, my life seems to be filled with constant movie scenarios where I may or may not put myself in these situations that leave me definitely confused. Have you ever had this consuming mind bottling crush that literally is just unexplainable. There is not much to it, maybe its just attraction, maybe its just the sex, maybe just maybe its infatuation. Marroon five wrote a song about infatuation once. Boy is that band underrated. Anyways, isn't it strange how you can have such a middle school crush but really you know nothing about that person? You get the shaky voice, I even get those stupid shaky hands. Does that even make sense? For someone like myself who is not super lovey dovey or into any type of that nonsense, I can help but want to be romantic. How lame. My best friend told me "oh my god you do have a heart?" I never catch fe...

Maybe this was a challenge for all of you. Maybe this was not planned, but here we are. We are here and we are all connected in a cosmic way. This cosmic way is a virus. Now we weren’t prepared but we were engulfed and trampled like a tsunami, our lives changed all so quickly, unexplainably and yet for there to be a cure. Maybe, this happened to for all us to decide to grow, to become something we never for saw for ourselves. The beauty is maybe we have the chance to explore something from our past. We all are experiencing changes and hard ships that are beyond our control but, it’s up to us to make the best of what is happening. I recently, before the virus was existing in my day to day life, was lost and consumed by the excitement of working in a bar setting and being surrounded by people who were just like me or similar. Just looking for a light to follow in the lives we live. In the essence I found great people but as time went on I began to lose who I was. I lost my path. It happ...

Isn't it strange what a simple wash of your hair can do? Or actually taking the time to do some make up. Lately, as a study I have been (wait for it) believe it or not washing my hair. Boy, are the responses through the roof. Crazy. "Michelle, did you do something different today?" " I took a shower, liberating I know." "Huh, go figure, you've been really holding back on us." The hair is not really the topic of discussion because per usual I don't really give a shit about that crap. Cliche but, honestly I truly believe that it really does only matter what is in the inside of you or me. What makes the heart want, what the heart wants? How do you decide to cut someone off ( maybe just not really giving a rats ass but)? I think I have said this before but if you are new to the page of "Michelle's constant shit show" here it goes, I am the most hopeless romantic. I literally love to see new relationships develop and the explos...

The people that I have met thus far have been interesting I would even say a whirlwind. Some heroic, some iconic, and some just powerful. It is so strange how someone can come waltzing into your life and can just irish exit as well (Irish exit means leaving a party without saying goodbye.) I am very well known for doing that at a big gathering. I hate goodbyes just as much as I hate hellos. I have said this before I suck at goodbyes and ultimately I hate hugging and the affection. I am not a huge lovey dovey person if you know me well at all I'm not a huge hugger (I am sorry). Lets get on with it once again. I have felt more so compelled lately to write.. Look at me two in one week. My dream is to be a writer talking about things that make people smile or just genuinely happy to know that life is not a solo ride. This summer I forgot that. I forgot that I'm not alone. I forgot to love those around me the most. I forgot to acknowledge my own mental state. Crazy, I know M...

It’s been months since I have been able to make words into thoughts and thoughts into my own confessions. Some of you may have read me before, some prolly don’t really care to give me a gander. That is all A-okay. That is all part of me transitioning and figuring out what the truth is and more importantly real. I write to create things. To show a passion of mine in my own personal experiences. Here we go. Back at it, I crave acceptance or to be understood. Silly I know. The other night I went to a bar that was completely and utterly just not me or my scene never has been and never will be. You are talking to a jabroney who wears a flannel and converse just about everyday paired along with some gaudy glitter smeared across my face mostly because I took a full 12 seconds to slab it onto my face. Anywho, I’m at this bar full of tons and tons of people (the bungalow) and I could not help but people watch. Eveyone there looked like a misfit. Almost like someone who got invited to the party...