Sweaty Love Hugs
The people that I have met thus far have been interesting I would even say a whirlwind. Some heroic, some iconic, and some just powerful. It is so strange how someone can come waltzing into your life and can just irish exit as well (Irish exit means leaving a party without saying goodbye.) I am very well known for doing that at a big gathering. I hate goodbyes just as much as I hate hellos. I have said this before I suck at goodbyes and ultimately I hate hugging and the affection. I am not a huge lovey dovey person if you know me well at all I'm not a huge hugger (I am sorry).
Lets get on with it once again. I have felt more so compelled lately to write.. Look at me two in one week. My dream is to be a writer talking about things that make people smile or just genuinely happy to know that life is not a solo ride. This summer I forgot that. I forgot that I'm not alone. I forgot to love those around me the most. I forgot to acknowledge my own mental state.
Crazy, I know
My dad has had an on going battle with cancer. I think it has completely destroyed me in the sense that I just do not and will not have any power. I have not been able to make words of this feeling. All but this, my greatest weakness is that I shut off I go into a sleep mode and push just about everyone I am closest with away.
Now how fucked up is that?
Granted I also felt as though no one needs my bull shit. We all got a lot of shit and boy, does this world get a whole lot stinkier when you can not help but push away from the ones you love. It kind of goes hand in hand with hugging. Apparently people need about 10 hugs a day? Now how wild is that shit? I am the sweatiest woman alive and you expect me to hug. Oh hell nah.
This summer I drank my ass off. Some nights were fun, most nights were catastrophic and all that it did was destroy those around me. I wouldn't say it was that bad but it was most definitely not great. As the summer went on I began to realize what was happening and who I was becoming. The craziest part is that I forgot to write? Wild.
SO MUCH HAPPENED
Good ass content should have been documented and I absolutely blew it. But, also I am happy there is ominous secrets in my life.
If you follow me on the Gram then you saw some crazy shit but, nothing was explained.
I am seeing more and more of those beautiful people in my life and how they shine. The people I have met along the way have been precious. I do not regret just about anything other than the fact that I am not wearing deodorant as I write this in my cowboy history class. I know things happen for a reason and some people come and go. I know that the ones that are worth it stick around or are open to a new beginning with you. If that makes any sense. In time.
I hope I find my way back to you. Whoever you may be or whoever is reading. I think you know who you are or those of you. Life can be crazy just know I am only but a mere phone call away. My doors for friendships are always a revolving door or like a cowboy saloon door. My heart is open and I hope whoever reads me keeps theirs open too. Whether I'm with or without you.
Love is a crazy thing. If we weren't lucky enough to experience love then how would we know how great it is to lose it and find it once again (losing it is rough heartbreak is exhausting let alone dwelling). We are so lucky to love and lost and to conquer again.
Us humans are inexplicably beautiful. If we don't lose we can never gain again. If we never gain again we could never feel that risk and the rush of your heart beating outside of your body.
Love more, Love wildly, And do not forget I loved you.
Love can always be found again (with us or without us).
Keep your chins up (I'll pick your boogers out for you)
Bisous,
Shell
Lets get on with it once again. I have felt more so compelled lately to write.. Look at me two in one week. My dream is to be a writer talking about things that make people smile or just genuinely happy to know that life is not a solo ride. This summer I forgot that. I forgot that I'm not alone. I forgot to love those around me the most. I forgot to acknowledge my own mental state.
Crazy, I know
My dad has had an on going battle with cancer. I think it has completely destroyed me in the sense that I just do not and will not have any power. I have not been able to make words of this feeling. All but this, my greatest weakness is that I shut off I go into a sleep mode and push just about everyone I am closest with away.
Now how fucked up is that?
Granted I also felt as though no one needs my bull shit. We all got a lot of shit and boy, does this world get a whole lot stinkier when you can not help but push away from the ones you love. It kind of goes hand in hand with hugging. Apparently people need about 10 hugs a day? Now how wild is that shit? I am the sweatiest woman alive and you expect me to hug. Oh hell nah.
This summer I drank my ass off. Some nights were fun, most nights were catastrophic and all that it did was destroy those around me. I wouldn't say it was that bad but it was most definitely not great. As the summer went on I began to realize what was happening and who I was becoming. The craziest part is that I forgot to write? Wild.
SO MUCH HAPPENED
Good ass content should have been documented and I absolutely blew it. But, also I am happy there is ominous secrets in my life.
If you follow me on the Gram then you saw some crazy shit but, nothing was explained.
I am seeing more and more of those beautiful people in my life and how they shine. The people I have met along the way have been precious. I do not regret just about anything other than the fact that I am not wearing deodorant as I write this in my cowboy history class. I know things happen for a reason and some people come and go. I know that the ones that are worth it stick around or are open to a new beginning with you. If that makes any sense. In time.
I hope I find my way back to you. Whoever you may be or whoever is reading. I think you know who you are or those of you. Life can be crazy just know I am only but a mere phone call away. My doors for friendships are always a revolving door or like a cowboy saloon door. My heart is open and I hope whoever reads me keeps theirs open too. Whether I'm with or without you.
Love is a crazy thing. If we weren't lucky enough to experience love then how would we know how great it is to lose it and find it once again (losing it is rough heartbreak is exhausting let alone dwelling). We are so lucky to love and lost and to conquer again.
Us humans are inexplicably beautiful. If we don't lose we can never gain again. If we never gain again we could never feel that risk and the rush of your heart beating outside of your body.
Love more, Love wildly, And do not forget I loved you.
Love can always be found again (with us or without us).
Keep your chins up (I'll pick your boogers out for you)
Bisous,
Shell
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