Shellswell

Everyone has their own bubble, interests, and experiences but when there is a time or place where you get the oppritunity to branch out... I hope you take it. In my most embarrassing moments I like to blame it on the one, the only, Lola. Now she is my alter ego and do not confuse the two of us together because gosh darn it, we are vastly different humans. Exhibit A: Lola can roll into any scene and or scenario and legitimately make it her bitch. She divides from me and says "Sayonara bitch time to go make an ass of yourself."  Exhibit B: Michelle wakes up the next morning ass naked and unsure of her surroundings.. Freaking Lola.  Regrets? absolutely not.  My biggest regrets are usually my hangovers which make it ultimately impossible for me to smile or carry a conversation.  But, what I have realized most lately is that I truly do not owe anyone anything. (My sweet friend reminded me of this recently the one I drove 22 hours to see.)  In my head I always replay ...

You were never really real, were you? It was all a pigment of my imagination.  Maybe my friends saw you once but maybe they were just being nice and pretending you were real.  Perhaps you were even an Imaginary friend too, if we are getting technical.  But the thing is, You were real and you didn’t even have the energy to tell me goodbye.  How sad is that? So mind bottling to even comprehend.  To give someone the boot without even giving an explanation.  In this world today it’s even hard to come across a man who will take the time to have a simple conversation, a simple snip snap and send you on your way.  I am not the first girl to get bamboozled but man oh man I know I won’t be the last.  Its funny, I still see you on my feed and I know you are still fluttering around but, I see less and less of you. The gut wrenching part is that the people who you never really even had are the hardest to get over.  . 

There is so much space for noise. Whether it be an actual sound or just the natural hustle of everyday life building up in your inner self. Now, what the hell are you talking about Shell?  Are you okay?  You never truly know what’s going on in a persons mind. Whether it be within the family that can be causing the stress. Perhaps it was even spending time with someone new. Unable to read their true self while getting to know this new person. Life can give you so many opportunities but in an instant it can be taken away.  Lately the world has been in a constant wishy washy state. Not one person in the last few months hasn’t   been affected by the aftermaths of what is going. More specifically this experience will be declared as a moment in history (If we are getting technical or sentimental).  2020 has not been just a moment. It feels as though it’s been a decade. What is crazy is that a year is only 365 days. As time flutters on I like to think that people have ...