Love Stinks Ya, Yah

Mums the word.

There is always room for research. Unanswered questions are tough in my line of work. I constantly am trying to get down to the nitty gritty. In my mere 22 years of existence I know a thing or two. One: I hate the answer no. Two: I hate being left just up and gone. Leaving me with unanswered questions while being unavailable can drive a gal insane. Especially this gal. My biggest heartbreak I have been through was with a man with an accent. Poof up and gone. He was a poofer. Like fucking fairly odd parents. You’d think you’d see him almost every street corner but actually it was a park bench empty just like arms when he pulled away and hopped on that plane. 

Seems as though lately a lot of people have been feeling my heart aching pains as well. If you’re one of them, I salute you. Mostly because you aren’t alone and I feel you, brother. Someday I think I’ll see him again and I hope my heart doesn’t rush the same way it did in the past. 

Who the fuck buys a girl a balloon telling them that they’re a superstar? In what world? Apparently mine. 

Side tracking my b. Lately, if you’ve read my past posts I have been kind of on a rampage. My rampages can be deadly. I usually act without thinking. I know lame. The most deadly part of it though is me getting crumpled through the turmoil. 

My biggest feeling lately though is just knowing I want someone to love me the way I love them. I think we all deserve that. But, it seems as though love is just so completely out of reach. Like I can’t imagine being in love again the way, I was. I know love comes in different ways but right now it feels nonexistent. I can’t imagine anyone the way I used to feel towards someone else. 

We all fixate on things that we could’ve done in order to change what couldn’t have even be fixed in the first place. But, in the end it’s obviously unhealthy. So, we (or I in this story clearly) fixate on other things that honestly don’t matter to us. 

When will this aching go away from something so long ago. How pathetic am I right? I can’t lie I have had other suitors but it just can’t be shaken from my mind of what I had or what we used to have. 

I have had a lot of people come to me to talk and get my advice. But, ultimately my advice is trash (trash) because I can’t seem to get over a love or thought of someone else. Pathetic right? 

Fixating on other things can be good but not exactly when it becomes toxic. The love you put out is what you deserve in a sense. So, what I mean by that is the trash behavior I have been conducting has been providing me with trash men. The universe is a crazy place and it’s basically like the Illuminati, it knows all. 

One day I’ll get what I deserve but right now I haven’t been holding myself to the standard I deserve. END OF SUMMER RESOLUTION. You ready folks? It’s a good one. Hot girl summer is a lie. It’s just girls justifying their silly choices. Sorry ladies. What if we try being you summer. How catchy is that shit? Ahah no. But, for the last weeks of bliss just own up to your shit and be the person you wish to be. 

I love you all so so much 

Shells,

Bisous

Xxxx